The Very Pink Diary
by PadfootPrints
Summary: The Marauders are feeling pretty bored in class one day, until they find Snape's diary. Then the fun begins!
1. Plans and Notes

The Very Pink Diary  
  
"Oh Professor! Potter and Black have added explosives into my cauldron again! I think this calls for a detention!" squawked Severus Snape.  
  
James and Sirius scowled. This was the 3rd time this week Snape had caught them before their prank worked. Things were looking bad. They needed to get him back already. But how? Suddenly, Sirius' eyes flashed mischievously as he glanced at Snape's backpack.  
  
"James! Check out the Snivellus's bag. Looks like he's got himself a diary," Sirius whispered and chuckled evilly behind his cauldron.  
  
"Good job Padfoot. But we're a little far to get it without being noticed. Remus will have to do it," he said. With that, James did some weird sign language across the room to his fellow Marauder, Remus. After he was done with that, Remus had gotten the clue, and was off to take the diary. He got up from his desk, asked if he could get a napkin for his accident at his table, and walked towards Snape. Snape gave him a dirty look as he walked past. On his way back from getting the napkins, his hand slipped in Snape's bag and he grabbed the green diary. He put it in his robe's pockets and walked casual back to his desk.  
  
Once back, he gave the thumbs up signal to James and Sirius. Mission accomplished.  
  
12 minutes later, Potions class was over, and the 4 Marauders walked up to Gryffindor Tower while thinking of what to do with the diary. By the time they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, they'd come up with the plan:  
  
First read it (Peter's suggestion.)  
  
Next write in it (James suggestion)  
  
Then turn it pink (Sirius' suggestion)  
  
Last give it back to him before dinner (Remus' suggestion)  
  
They all climbed through the hole thinking of what they could add to the diary. They walked with a dreamy look plastered on their faces straight to the dormitories and got straight to work. James read it aloud while Sirius looked up spells to make things pink. Remus was thinking of how to sneak it back into his backpack and Peter was wondering what was for dinner.  
  
"…and I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Potter and his gang of losers that they'd be trouble." James read. He got mad for a second because Snape had called his friends losers, but calmed down because he knew they'd be trouble makers.  
  
"I found it! The spell to make things pink! You just wave your wand in the shape of a heart and say Roseyle whatever the thing you want to turn pink!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"I think we can slip it into his pockets during dinner tonight," said Remus.  
  
"I wonder if we'll have that pot ro-," Peter started but James hit him and continued reading.  
  
"I thought I had died and gone to heaven-," he started  
  
"Fat chance," Sirius said.  
  
"heaven when I first saw her. She was so beautiful. That Lily Evans." James finished.  
  
They all gasped and sat in shock for about 20 seconds before Sirius spoke.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Yeah. I can't believe that he would actually like someone. But then again, everyone likes Lily," James said in a fluffy voice.  
  
"But SNAPE? HAHAHA." Sirius was now rolling on the floor.  
  
That was the end of his diary entries, and it was time for them to write in it. They used a permanent spell on their ink so he couldn't erase it or even tear out the page they write on. This is what they wrote:  
  
Hey Sevvy-  
  
I never knew you felt that way about Lily. Warnings to you, keep your smelly hands off her. She's mine, but you can have Peter.  
  
Jameseepoo.  
  
-  
  
Dear Snape,  
  
Just so you know, we didn't technically steal this. We borrowed it. Cause you have it back now right? Right. Anyway, you know we love you (GAG) because of all we've done for you.   
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Hello,  
  
Please don't hurt me. I'm looking forward to eating tonight's pot roast with green beans.  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Ugly-  
  
Your ugly. Pink is compliments of me. J   
  
Sirius  
  
PS- Peter, you're a wimp.  
  
-  
  
Hello Sirius,  
  
No I am not.   
  
Peter.   
  
-  
  
Dear Peter,  
  
Why are you fighting with Sirius in this diary?  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Hello Remus,  
  
Sirius started it!  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Fatty-  
  
Did I?  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Hello Sirius,  
  
Yes, and now I'm hurt, and hungry!  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Fatty-  
  
I don't get it.  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Hey guys,  
  
Sirius, stop bothering Peter. Peter, stop that annoying stomach of yours from growling!  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Hello James,  
  
Sorry.  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Dear guys,  
  
Why don't we just say all this to each other's faces? I mean, we're all sitting in a circle, approximately 12 inches apart.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Wolfie-  
  
Since when do we use inches? I thought we use the metric system?  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
We do. But this is being written by an American writer.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Wolfie-  
  
Oh.  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Hey Peter,  
  
STOP THAT GROWLING!  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Hello James,  
  
I can't! If I don't have food in my system every 10 minutes, it goes haywire!  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Dear James,  
  
Please excuse Peter. I know you're annoyed, but there's no reason to start throwing that box at him.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Hey Remus,  
  
Okay fine. Aren't we supposed to be writing to Snivellus?  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Hello James,  
  
Oh yeah.  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Ugly-  
  
Hello again. How do you like the new diary? I'd be so happy if I had MY signature in MY diary! Who doesn't want Sirius Black's signature! No one I can think of! I'll give you EXTRA autographs since you're my favorite Slytherin!  
  
SIRIUS BLACK SIRIUS BLACK SIRIUS BLACK SIRIUS BLACK SIRIUS BLACK!!!! 143!  
  
-  
  
Dear Severus,  
  
I feel sorry for you. I thought I'd never do that, but that was just too disturbing.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Snivvy,  
  
Remus is too nice. I think you deserve my autographs everywhere too! WEEEE! *writes name all over the diary*  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Hello ALL,  
  
I'm hungry, about to faint/die. Please, can we steal this another day and continue then?  
  
Peter  
  
And so they did. Sirius then magicked the diary into a bright pink color, but James thought it was incomplete. It needed a few more colors to it. Remus agreed and added a few rainbows here and there with green hearts in each corner. James then added bubbly orange with white polka dotted letters that read, "SNIVELLUS'S TOP SECRET DIARY!"  
  
They then set off for the Great Hall. There, Remus planted the diary into Snape's pockets and walked back to the table.  
  
"I didn't like this prank too much. I thought he'd be more revealing in his diary," James said.  
  
"Yeah me neither. I think we'll have to do something else to him then. This just was not satisfying enough," added Sirius.  
  
Remus agreed and waited for Peter to say something but was to busy piling his plate and stuffing his face to notice a thing that was being said. 


	2. The Obsessions of Snape

A/N: This was supposed to be a one chapter story, but due to a few requests for another chapter, I've decided to write this one. Thanks to reviewer Laura/Natas/ChibiSan for your ideas. If you guys want another chapter after this, stick suggestions in your review and I'll work on it from there. This takes place in 5th year, when Lily still dislikes James.  
  
As the everyone in the Great Hall was dining, the Marauders occasionally looked over to the Slytherin table to see if Snape had found his newly renovated diary. It had been 10 minutes and not a move toward his pocket yet. Suddenly, the 2nd year boy sitting next to Snape tapped him on his shoulder and whispered something to him.  
  
Snape's hand reached into his pocket and he pulled out a bright pink diary with rainbows and hearts all over it.  
  
"What is it?" the boy next to Snape asked.  
  
"Noth-" Snape started.  
  
"SNAPE's GOT A DIARY!!! HOW CUTE!!!" Sirius squeaked.  
  
"How did you know that?" Peter asked stupidly.  
  
"Because it says Snivellus's Top Secret Diary on it genius!" Sirius hissed.  
  
"Right-e-o," Peter said quietly.  
  
By now the whole school was staring at Snape's hand, which held the neon bright book. Snape was horrified and looked as though he were on the verge of tears.  
  
"My precious, what have they done to you? What have they done to your physique?!" Snape exclaimed dramatically. He looked wheezy and then fainted. The hall was silent for about 5 seconds until James yelled,  
  
"Who wants to read it?"  
  
There was an immediate applause of appreciation from all the students until Dumbledore stood up. He announced that it would be wisest to let Severus keep all his thoughts to himself. No one dared to disagree but there was nothing they could do about it. An hour later, the Great Hall was empty of any student besides Snape (still unconscious) and Dumbledore, who was looking at him from his seat. Snape slowly awoke and looked around. He started walking toward the door until he heard a small cough.  
  
"I'm okay Professor," Snape said quickly and walked a little faster out the door, carrying his pink diary.  
  
Once into his dormitory, he jumped on his bed and shut the hangings hastily and opened the diary. He started examining the rose-scented pages with tears running down his face. He read everything the Marauders wrote, looked at everything they changed about it, felt all the fuzzy things they added to it. And then he thought to himself,  
  
(A/N: Imagine Snape holding the book and talking to it like Smeagal to the ring.)  
  
"My precious! You are so pink! So vibrant! So BEAUTIFUL! Those fools thought this color would annoy me, but had they known I had an obsession with pink items, oh they would have never done me this favor! How I love your new freshly-cut-flower aroma and the wonderful bubbly letters! How did they find out that I can't live without my bubbly letters?"  
  
Snape now had a wide smile on his face. His roomate glanced through the hangings and caught a glipmse of what he thought was Snape grinning menacingly, as though he had a trick up his sleeve.  
  
Snape brought the diary up to his nose and took a big whiff of it.   
  
"Why have I always denied my feelings for such pretty smelling things? Oh, I remember now, because I wish to be more selective of the things I want to be seen with. No matter, I now have this, and I can always blame it on THEM if anyone asks why I have this thing around me."   
  
Snape thought some more and then something shocking came into his mind.  
  
"Wait! What if, what if they did this because they KNEW about my obsession! Or, what if that HOT James Potter did this to prove his unconditional love for me? What did I just say? I didn't mean it! Its the rosey smell! I must be getting high off of it! Must put away...must..."  
  
But that only made Snape want to smell it more and more. He eventually fell asleep with it on his nose. Meanwhile, over in Gryffindor Tower, the Gryffindors were all circled around the Marauders, listening to their description of Snape's diary entries.  
  
"And guess who the Slimeball likes? L-" Sirius started.  
  
James then poked him the stomach and shouted,  
  
"He likes Malfoy!"  
  
The common room erupted with laughter.   
  
"No he doesn't," a voice said.  
  
Everyone looked puzzled and looked around to see who said that.  
  
"How would you know who he likes? Only WE read it," James said.  
  
"Because I was the one who put a spell on it for him to start liking YOU," said an angry Lily Evans. 


	3. Change of Heart

James gaped at her in horror. "Why?!"  
  
"Just felt like the thing to do after you kept sending me those ridiculous letters!" screamed Lily.  
  
The whole common room was now looking at them. Eyes looking back and forth between the two as though it were a tennis rally. Suddenly, someone cleared his throat and started clapping. It was Sirius.  
  
"How did you do it?! We didn't even notice you go near Snape! Awesome job!" he started patting Lily on her back.  
  
Lily smiled and said, "I'm good at charms. Let's just leave it at that."  
  
James couldn't believe it. Now he was going to be stalked by Snivellus. Ugh. What to do?! Steal the diary back, of course!  
  
That night, he devised a plan with his fellow trouble-makers that was to be followed through the next day.   
  
A/N: Next morning...  
  
James walked over to the Slytherin table and started winking at Snape, cringing everytime. Snape was deeply in love with James now and scooted closer toward James with every wink. (James started scooting further away.) Snape eventually got too close and James moved to the other side of the table. Snape then got toward the end of the bench, fell off, landed face first onto the hard floor, and out fell his pink diary. Sirius quickly bewitched it to make it fly toward him and James quickly blew a kiss to Sevvy and ran back to the Gryffindor table.  
  
"That. was. so-" James tried to get out.  
  
"Lovely? Romantic? PRETTY?" Sirius added. He apparently found it adorable that his best friend was acting that way to his arch enemy.  
  
"Um, perhaps we should get working on it before he realizes he lost it again..." suggested Remus. So they all went back up to their dorm and started looking up spells to get rid of Lily's charm.  
  
(A/N: its a Saturday so they have free time)  
  
While everyone was looking up spells, Sirius was scanning through it to see if Snape had added anything new.  
  
"Oh, my Merlin! I like totally can't believe it!" he squealed in delight.  
  
The other Marauders quickly huddled around him and read the passage:  
  
I can't believe those fools thought this would make me angry! I absolutely adore the pink and orange! *sigh* Like totally! I wish James would talk to me. Or even look at me decently. The brat never looks at me without wincing. Am I really that fat? I'm glad I have you to write in Pink-Rosey-Smelling-Diary. I would have nothing to confide in if you weren't here. I love you.  
  
Once finished reading, Peter fainted. James pushed his body out of the way and grabbed the diary. He then dodged for his quill and tried to scratch out everything Snape wrote but the ink would just disappear of it was on top of another word. It was their anti-erasing charm.  
  
James tapped his quill on Peter's head and tried to think of something to do.   
  
"Eureka!" he yelled.  
  
"What on earth is Eureka!?" asked Sirius.  
  
"I don't know. It just sounded cool."  
  
"Oh, did you think of something yet?" said Sirius.  
  
"Not a thing..."  
  
"How about instead of getting rid of the charm, we can place it on someone else?" Remus asked.  
  
"What a ridiculous, ludacrious, absolutely-" Sirius started.  
  
"Genius idea!" James exclaimed.  
  
"I was GETTING TEHRE! SHEESH!" Sirius squealed.  
  
So they found the spell to make the person under the spell change their mind. They also added a few more words to the diary.  
  
Dearest Severus,  
  
I think you're pushing me too far too fast. You need to stop this stalking because I'm just not ready! For some reason, I feel like you might stop....in about 24 hours. Thanks for your cooperation.  
  
Your former crush- James  
  
-  
  
Fat-  
  
I never knew you felt that way about pink! I would have never turned it pink for you! You're one sick, sick man! Just nasty!  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Mr. Snape,  
  
I swear I had NOTHING to do with this! Don't hurt me!!  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Dear Snape,  
  
I have nothing to say to you.  
  
Dear Peter,  
  
You are the worst Gryffindor I have ever met.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Wolfie-  
  
Amen to that brotha!  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
Why do you insist on calling me Wolfie? It makes me feel so cheap.  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Wolfie...er..can't erase it...Moony-  
  
Sorry Mooner. I mean, Moony.  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Hey guys,  
  
We're supposed to be making fun of how Snape likes the color pink and bubbly letters here...  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Hello guys,  
  
Do you know what we're having for dinner? I heard that it was going to be pot roast, but I might have mistaken it for hot toast. Any of you got a clue?  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Hello guys,  
  
I retract my last statement. I know what you were about to say. So I'll shut up now...  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Moony-  
  
How's the weather over there?  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
Kind of sunny. Hey Sirius, how much does the weather change if one location is about 2 feet from the other?  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Moony-  
  
Oh no! You're not tricking me with that non-metric stuff again! Oh no moony-boy! Ho-ho. Sirius has gotten too clever for that!  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Hey Moony,  
  
Did you get one word that Sirius just said again?  
  
James  
  
-  
  
Dear James,  
  
Of course not. Do we ever?  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Dudes!  
  
Its sunny over here!  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Dear guys,  
  
Since Snape loves pink so much, lets turn it black. Yay or nay to that suggestion?  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!  
  
Sirius  
  
-  
  
Dear guys,  
  
Ok that settles it. *turns diary black*  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Hey guys,   
  
Since he's going to hate us again after this, lets show him we all love him and sign all of our names everywhere again! WHEEE!!!!  
  
James James James James James *writes James on cover and in back and on every page*  
  
-  
  
Guys-  
  
Yay! This again! I LOVE this part! *signs name frantically and becomes so messy that his name reads: Slack*  
  
Sirius Siri Sirius!!!  
  
-  
  
Dear All,  
  
I'll just write mines really big. Peter, why is your signature tiny?  
  
Remus  
  
-  
  
Remus-  
  
I. have. no. energy. to write. big.  
  
Peter  
  
-  
  
Dear Peter,  
  
You just added 5 more periods than you needed to. You have plenty of energy.  
  
Remus  
  
Peter kept on whining so they had to stop their diary entries there. That afternoon, Remus snuck it successfully back into Snape's pocket (Snape was unaware once again because he was staring at James).  
  
10 minutes into lunch, there was a loud yell of terror.   
  
"Get away from me! What has happend to you?!" bellowed Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"Lucy! My Lucy! Don't deny you're love for me! Lucy please! Just be TRUE to your innerself!" Snape pleaded. The whole school stared at them with wide eyes and some started falling out of their chair laughing. Some being four boys and one girl from Gryffindor.  
  
"I must admit, I'm very impressed," said Lily.  
  
James gave her a wink and then did a wild five minute Marauder's Dance with his friends.  
  
A/N: That's it for this story! Hope you guys liked it. I'm sorry if its too short but I just started on a different fanfic (The Hogwarts Herald) thats a newspaper and its really time consuming but loads of fun. This story also wouldn't have a plot after this. Oh, if you're wondering what on earth the Marauder's Dance is, read All About Her. I introduce the dance in that story. Well thanks for reading, don't forget to review! :) 


End file.
